Author: Lydia Lazzara

As human beings, we hold a lot of expectations. And I mean A LOT. We expect the sun to come up in the morning, our technology to work when we need it to, our body to respond when we give it a direction (typically this is unconsciously done), others to act or respond in certain ways, etc.

What happens when something doesn’t work or someone doesn’t act/respond as we expected? Best case scenario, we are simply surprised and that is it. Most of the time, though, we end up frustrated, angry, upset, or some other equally unpleasant emotion to feel and deal with. 

And what happens when WE don’t live up to our expectations? That’s when we will feel disappointment in ourselves, shame, anger, depression, and more. It is likely harder for you to deal with not meeting your own expectations for yourself rather than having someone else not meet your expectations. 

After all, we are almost always tougher on ourselves than on others. A spiritual teacher I follow, Kerry K (@iamkerryk on social media), is fond of saying that we will treat ourselves so much worse than we would ever consider treating others. Do you find that to be true for you?

Here’s the crux of the matter: Expectations are Limitations. 

Check out this short video & post I made: https://fb.watch/uHZKuUzaB1/

In order to allow ourselves to grow without boundaries, we must let go of our expectations. 

“But wait…what about expectations of excellence?” I can hear some of you exclaim. “Surely some expectations are necessary to ensure we keep reaching for better!”

Nope. Even expectations that appear to be holding us to a higher standard and helping us grow into excellence are holding us back from the very thing we seek. Why?

Because expectations by their very nature limit us in how we can grow, feel, expand, experience, etc. Our souls are infinite, limitless, and exist in complete harmony with the Universe/God/Source. When we set expectations, this is our egos trying to maintain control over us rather than allowing our souls to lead us. Only our ego thinks we need to define how we or others should behave, grow, feel, think, etc.

Our souls know a deeper truth: When we fully embody our souls into our physical form and reside in that state of harmony, expectations only pull us back into our egos and out of harmony. Expectations limit growth and our ability to expand into our fullest potential.

Let me give you an example from my own experience:

I used to hold the expectation that other drivers would follow what I called common courtesy as well as the rules of the road. When on a two-lane highway that opens up a passing lane on steeper hills, I expected traffic in front of me to shift to the right hand lane so that I could pass in the passing lane. Not only is this what I considered courteous, it is the law for slower vehicles to move to the right hand lane. 

I would be disappointed, frustrated, and sometimes downright rageful when time and again other drivers did not do this. It could ruin my entire commute and ripple into the rest of my day. 

Then one day, I heard someone liken expectations to limitations. And I decided to stop expecting other drivers to drive the way I wanted them to and thought they should drive. Suddenly, my entire energy just shifted every time I drove. I became more relaxed. I just started passing people on the right when they stayed in the left hand lane rather than trying to get them to shift into the right lane. 

And an even more miraculous thing happened: I started having more ease in my commutes. I would experience fewer people driving slower than me ahead of me. I still have people staying in the passing lane when they should be in the right lane, but I am able to pass them easily. In the two-lane sections, I would come up on someone going slower than me and almost immediately be able to pass them safely. 

I wouldn’t get stuck. I wouldn’t get frustrated. I enjoyed my drives, my day, and am living more in love and peace than ever before. 

Now, this was an example of an expectation I held for others that I released. Notice that people didn’t really change how they drove because I dropped the expectation. Rather, I changed. By dropping the expectation–the limitation–that others would do X, Y, or Z I allowed myself to respond differently. Because I cannot control how others act or respond. But I can control myself and my energy field. 

So, even with that example that appears to be outward focused–me dropping an expectation of how others should behave–it is ultimately an inward experience. We can think of our experience of the outside world as a reflection of our internal world. Thus, even if it appears on the surface to be an expectation we hold of others, it is actually a limitation we are holding for ourselves.

What expectation(s) that you hold for yourself or others came to mind for you as you read this? Which ones do you want to start letting go of first?

Note: Sometimes reading about someone else’s experience can make it appear easy to replicate in your own life. If this post hit a note with you and you want to release your expectations and are finding it more difficult than you thought it would be, that’s okay and very normal. We can help. Lydia Lazzara focuses on helping her clients learn how to do this and more through her coaching work. You can check out ways to work with her at www.thellcoaching.com. Bobbi and Lydia also love to support the energetic work that this entails through offering Reiki or Raindrop Technique essential oil massage–both deeply relaxing to your physical and emotional bodies. Check us out on our website, www.harmonywellnessandyoga.com and book a session any time you want.